Celeb Cheaters Public Confessions: Can It Save Relationships?
October 31st, 2018 by Akbar Mohammad
Loveawake: Every time you turn around, it seems some famous guy named David is copping to his extramarital affairs.
• David Boreanaz: “Our marriage has been tainted with my infidelities. I just want to be open and honest. I was irresponsible.”
• David Duchovny: “I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction. I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family.”
• David Letterman: “I had to tell them how I was disturbed by this I was worried for myself, I was worried for my family, I felt menaced by this, and I had to tell them all of the creepy things that I have done that were going to be exposed.”
Heck, even some guys not named David are getting in on the act:
• Tiger Woods: “I had affairs, I cheated. What I did was not acceptable, and I am the only person to blame.”
• John Edwards: “It was wrong for me ever to deny she was my daughter and hopefully one day, when she understands, she will forgive me….To all those I have disappointed and hurt, these words will never be enough, but I am truly sorry.”
• Gov. Mark Sanford: “One of the primary roles well before being a governor is being a father to those four boys who are absolute jewels and blessings that I’ve let down in a profound way. And I apologize to them. And I don’t like apologizing in this realm, but given the immediacy of y’alls wanting to visit and my proximity to them, this is the first step in what will be a very long process on that front.”
• Rep. Mark Souder: “I sinned against God, my wife and my family by having a mutual relationship with a part-time member of my staff. . . . I am so shamed to have hurt those I love.”
• Jesse James: “This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them. I am truly very sorry for the grief I have caused them. I hope one day they can find it in their hearts to forgive me.”
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Failures. Everyone has heard all kinds of quotes about failing and not giving up. Always to persevere and finish what you started. Most of these quotes are sports and team related. Not many people talk about failing when it’s just you alone in the shop. No words are spoken. Just the internal feelings of you “cant” or you will never be good enough. It could be the lack of tools or your inexperience. I’ve found that 99.9999% of the time it’s my own laziness that causes things to go sideways. When I started a project I decided to let one little thing slide by and it snow balls into something that now does not work. Being lazy or cutting corners will always come back to bite you in the ass. This isn’t about working in the shop. This key personal integrity can be applied to most aspects of life. Kind of like washing your hands after you use the restroom. We all know we should, but sometimes we don’t. Then you get the flu and wonder why that happens to you. Especially under a deadline it takes a lot of internal strength to stop immediately when something isn’t right. Start it over and make it right. The only way to build up this kind of strength is to go ahead and do it wrong, when you know it’s wrong. Waste all that time and effort only to fail. Then go through the pain of doing it over. Only then will you listen to the voice in your head and heart to stop and do it again. Learning that the “easy way” was doing it 100% right from beginning to end. #jessejames
• Eliot Spitzer: “In the past few days, I have begun to atone for my private failings with my wife Silda, my children and my entire family. The remorse I feel will always be with me. Words cannot describe how grateful I am for the love and compassion they have shown me.”
• Steve Phillips: “I am deeply sorry that I have put my family and colleagues through this.”
Not that this is anything new:
• Bill Clinton, 1992: “I have acknowledged wrongdoing. I have acknowledged causing pain in my marriage.”
Well, confession is good for the soul. they say. St. Thomas Aquinas wrote that penance is vital for rehabilitation: “As soon as a man falls into sin, charity, faith, and mercy do not deliver him from sin, without Penance.” Can we assume that all these guys are making these confessions for the good of their souls?
“I think they are making public confessions to prevent the publicity time bomb on their hands and to stop their mistresses from having power over them,” says relationship coach Alex Wise of the Loveawake free online dating site. “I don’t think they would be confessing otherwise.”
A major water cooler question arising from these public confessions is how the cheater’s family ought to respond. More than a few women think the only thing Tiger Woods’s wife did wrong was not follow-through on her approach shot. The public confession, whether needed for publicity and legal purposes or not, must be humiliating to the wife, even though it immediately wins her the backing of millions of ex-wives. How is the spouse supposed to cope?
“If the marriage is just a marriage of convenience and both spouses are living separate lives, the infidelity makes no difference,” says Alex. “If the infidelity is a shock to the spouse, then there are other questions to be answered, such as: One – Is this the first infidelity, or one in a string of many? and Two – Is the cheater going to get help with his behavior? If this infidelity is one of many and especially if he refuses to get real help, a woman would be a fool to stay in the marriage and try to work it out, because he will simply cheat on her again.”
The ultimate question is, can any such relationships be saved? Alex thinks there is a chance: “Infidelity can be the very best thing that happens to a marriage, if the couple takes it as a sign that their marriage was not working and that they have unworkable skills for dealing with marital stress they can basically starts from scratch. Or, it can be the wound that never heals, if the cheating spouse refuses to do the work necessary to heal the marriage and the spouse cheated on chooses to stay in the marriage anyway.”
Maybe these guys should have considered the advice of another great philosopher: As Diogenes Laërtius reported of Socrates, “Being asked whether it was better to marry or not, he replied, ‘Whichever you do, you will repent it.'”